Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

I was no Bible scholar as a kid (although I coveted those fantastic, quilted Bible covers held by the other girls in my Sunday school class in the 80’s) but I’m here to tell you I recited this verse to my parents on more than one occassion. It was my God-backed response when they were making me crazy.

In hindsight, I’m certain it was simply good parenting that led me to be so irritable. They were likely instructing me to clean my room, do my homework or close my smart mouth. I, however, took it as exasperating oppression and loved to toss this verse around after learning it in my mid-elementary years. The irony of this behavior is not lost on me now as I try my hand at my own ‘good parenting’ attempt. Which inevitably leads my own children to be exasperated with me.

It’s a vicious cycle.

Knowing the balance between frustrating your children when they don’t like your wise counsel and “control” of their young lives as opposed to eliciting seering anger because your rules are wishy washy, your discipline inconsistent and your intentions unclear are two different issues. I’ve been one both ends of the spectrum and feel like God makes it pretty clear where we should exist. It’s not His will for us to be in a place of exasperating our kids, or ourselves for that matter, with confusing rules, lack of follow through and general haphazard direction.

We are to bring our kiddos up in the training and instruction of the Lord, leading by example. We are called to the fruits of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. If we ask our children to watch their words, we would be wise to do the same. Hold their tongues in anger? Hmmmmm. I have failed on each of these accounts, calling my kids to standards I have not held. As we work to bring our children up in the instruction of the Lord, it’s a good reminder we are also called to act in accordance.

Do you mean what you say and say what you mean? Do you threaten a punishment if bad behavior continues? Do you actually follow through if bad behavior continues? Do you have set rules and set consequences? Do your children know what is expected of them? Is there room for negotation when things are unclear? Are you willing to hear their thoughts and allow them space to share their views or do you shut them out and potentially lead to frustration? 

Challenge- When you catch yourself getting frustrated with your kids, give yourself at least a 60 second pause to take a breath and assess the situation before responding. Is your reaction fair? Does it align with the biblical principles you profess to your kids? Have you led by example in this area?

Lord, help us as we earnestly try to raise our children with You as the center of our training and instruction. Please give us wisdom as we lay out expectations and consequences. Help us to teach and correct in love. Father, thank you for the gift of Motherhood. Amen.