Dear sweet daughters,

You made your way through the first half of second and fifth grade. These early years bring sweet friends who are integral in helping you navigate the playground, barter for treats in the lunchroom and get the best seat on the bus. All important tasks at this stage in the game.

However, as you continue to grow, it’s going to be important you pick friends based on quality of character rather than quantity of candy they are willing to share.

I know, I know….this seems counterintuitive to everything I’ve told you about chumming up to people with chocolate.

But hear me out.

Dear sweet girls, you’re going to need a true friend. A few, if you’re so blessed. But at least one true friend.

A true friend will apologize when she’s wrong. She will also accept your apology when you mess up. She will knowingly smile and allow you back into her good graces (without having to eat too much crow) even after you’ve been a real jerk.

A true friend will tell you when you’re wearing too much make up. The entry into teen years and make-up wearing can be tricky. She might tell you in a sweet voice or she may laugh and say you resemble a circus clown. Either way, if she tells you this with good intention, she is a true friend.

A true friend will show up at your door and gently let you know she heard your boyfriend moved on to another girl. She knows he’s a rat. And she knows you now know he’s a rat. But she’s a true friend so she’ll let you keep your pride for a few more minutes as you quietly thank her and shut the door. She knows you’re going to cry. And she knows you know she knows. But she won’t let on. Many years later you will both laugh together about the rat. True friend.

A true friend will relish in your successes and cheer you on in your achievements. On jobs and dates and promotions. She will be the first one to offer congratulations and the last one to leave your party. She may be more excited about your accomplishments than you are. A true friend supports and motivates and believes in you. Even when you aren’t quite sure you believe in yourself.

A true friend will grieve with you. She will hold your hand at your grandmother’s funeral. When she catches you crying, she will likely do the same. She will hurt when you hurt and care deeply about what troubles you. She will know when to ask and when to remain quiet. A true friend will help carry your burden.

A true friend will offer to rub your swollen feet during a visit to meet your new baby. She will show up with a homemade gourmet meal days later. She will share her favorite recipes, adding in all the ways she tweaked and perfected it. A true friend may also show up with carryout and the words I don’t make dinner, I make dinner happen. True friends come in all shapes and sizes. Gather them up like sea glass.

A true friend will know when to offer encouragement and when to simply listen. She will not judge but may say you are wrong. Or lacking insight. Or being stubborn. Or selfish. If she is a true friend, heed her words.

Some friends will tell you what you want to hear. A true friend will change you for the better. She will support you while challenging you to improve. She will see potential you have not yet identified for yourself. She will call you to higher standards. She will cheer you on to success.

A true friendship knows no distance. A true friend will make time for trips and countless phone calls and texts and cards and emails. The separation will not weaken the bond and reuniting will be a reminder that miles cannot diminish true friendship.

A true friend will extend grace on your worst days. She will not bring up previous infractions or hold mistakes over your head. She will love you through your valleys. She will support and check in and love you unconditionally.

Sweet girls, my desire is for you to have at least one true friend. More importantly, I want you to be a true friend. The road of life can be windy and riddled with pitfalls. The blessing of having a true friend at every turn cannot be overstated.

Seek this in others.

Be this for others.

As your mom, I’d love to fill this role forever and always. But moms simply weren’t made to meet all needs.

God created each of us for community and some of His greatest gifts are meted out by way of true friendship. You’ll need others to share your joys and sorrows, to provide friendship and encouragement as you move through your days. Some will be true friends for seasons and others for life. Each will be an important part of your friend collection.

Treasure them.

I love you dearly.

Mom