Change and I have a tumultuous relationship. I tend to fight but know it’s only in facing her down that I actually grow and learn and gain depth and some semblance of wisdom.

Matt just dropped our firstborn child at his middle school orientation.

This is simply not possible.

I have witnessed ALL the parents before me saying it was also not possible for them. But I didn’t pay attention because it was their kid and I assumed my timeline would move at a slower pace.

Wrong.

One minute ago I brought home a seven pound baby boy, complete with jaundice and a conehead. My body was wrecked from childbirth and my emotions were beyond uncontrolled.

BEYOND.

He and I became this confused little team. He, unsure about how to navigate life outside the security of my womb, and me, unsure how to navigate anything, anywhere at any time.

Poor first baby got all the trial and error and newness and insecurity and awkwardness that comes simply with being the first kid out of the chute.

His brother and sisters didn’t have to deal with the parents who took an hour mobilizing before leaving for a trip to the grocery. They haven’t had to endure the near constant overthinking about trivial subjects. Which brand of bottle to use, which size nipple to use on that bottle, how to wash all the Dr. Brown bottles pieces, and then the nagging worry that a bottle shouldn’t be used at all because it will surely lead to messed up teeth, lacking cognitive skills and overall immoral behavior.

Lord, help the firstborn children.

My first inclination regarding this middle school transition is to overthink and overworry. Fortunately, I’ve learned just a smidge in the last decade. Just enough to know to take a breath and rest in knowing we are blessed to be entering a new stage.

#blessed. Agghhhh, typing that overused hashtag makes me cringe and I hesitate to even use the term. But honestly, it has been a conscious effort to remember entering a new stage or reaching a milestone with my child isn’t a given. It’s a gift that many people wish desperately to enjoy. So we are going to do just that. Enjoy it.

When I feel my mom heart getting a little weepy for days gone by, I’m trying to take a deep breath, remember the gift of watching these kids take another step towards adulthood and thank God I no longer have to worry about which size nipple to choose for the bottles.

I have also learned any hesitancy on my part is directly and immediately picked up by my kids. (Which is ironic since they don’t clue in whatsoever when I’m near exploding because I’ve asked them to do something 8,000 times.) So, I have tried to do what I do best when stressed, sad, irritated or generally in a state of melancholy.

We do something silly. Or stupid. Or ridiculous. Because we excel at ridiculous around here.

This morning, after Matt sent me the picture of tiny Reid that had me just on the verge of tears, I refused the cry and picked up my phone to take a picture. Flashback re-creation made and a fair amount of laughter before I watched those two guys jump in the truck and head to the school.

Thankful for a new school year. Thankful for stupendous teachers. Thankful for a chance to watch these kids achieve another milestone.

But maybe most thankful for old pictures and new babies. Who have somehow become new middle schoolers.

Wishing all the firstborn babies tearless parents as they enter into a fantastic school year!