Our family is prepping for an unsual situation this summer. Matt wrapped his school year and will be off work for most of June and July. There will be the usual coaching responsibilities, but it will be a relatively free schedule. For the first time since college (not counting the luxurious summer I was off work for maternity leave, eating bon bons and caring for two children under two) I will also be relatively free for the summer.

Actually I’m really free.

Like free free.

Super free.

You may remember (likely because I blogged/whined about it) I endured a lay-off in late 2017. Fortunately, I was almost immediately rehired into my old spot where I remanied until this March. We were enjoying Spring Break when a message (known in the sales world as the ‘ax is about to fall‘) came through my phone. My salesforce was invited to a mandatory call. Now friends, I’m all about being invited to events. I love a good party and I adore getting together with friends but this is one invitation to which I’d rather not RSVP. Hours later we lost our jobs.

It was a good gig while it lasted.

All this to say I am now facing down a summer of fun with my family. Which has me in a state of sheer excitement, tinged with a bit of what I’d describe as panic inducing anxiety. The shallow breath, darting eyes kind of emotion.

However, necessity (or mind numbing panic) breeds ingenuity and the old brain wheels have been turning…….

I explained to Matt we have the unique opportunity to be together as a complete family unit this summer. All of us. All summer.

Panic.

This hasn’t occurred in ten years and in another decade two of our kids will be out of the house.

More panic.

It’s now or never, baby. Six of us driving each other completely bonkers.

All the panic.

I brainstormed what we could do to take captive these 77 days of summer break (but who’s counting?!) and squeeze out the most adventure. There are two things I LOVE to do. Travel and Write. Write and Travel. Writing while traveling and traveling while writing. Any way you slice it, it’s an amazing combination. What better way to do this than traveling the country? Six highly opinionated individuals crammed in the confines of a minivan, traveling 75 MPH down highways and byways. Day after day after glorious day.

 

Sounds like heaven on earth, right?

I began wondering how we could see old friends, new sites and take full advantage of what could be the ONLY summer we all have freedom to be together. Before adult jobs or summer jobs or youth athletic expectations or college or whatever grown up/real life things pop up. I’m just adrift enough from this job loss and some other recent life events to throw caution to the wind and bust outta town for a stretch. My five super opinionated housemates are also on board which never happens. Ever. So, I’m taking this as a glowing sign we need to gas up the van and get going.

Matt, however, has other thoughts on transportation. He feels a Recreational Vehicle is the best answer for our family. He frequently and feverishly campaigns for the purchase of what I can only envision as a tenement on wheels. I am absolutely not opposed to an RV and would, in fact, welcome the beast! But one of decent quality would first need to be purchased and then pulled by a truck of decent quality.

Which would also need to be purchased since our 1997 GMC likely wouldn’t fit the bill.

Which leaves us with the RV below as the most likely option.

Dearest reader friends, I cannot spend my summer traveling in an RV with ‘Uncle Eddie’ and his four offspring. Which brings this blog post to you! And you! And you!

We aren’t committed or confirmed on schedule. Or itinerary. Or route. Ummmm, also unsure of destinations. In short, we are planless and completely free to head in any number of directions. You may remember Hands Across America, the 80’s movement created to increase national unity. It was literally people linking hands and reaching across America. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is our version titled Hands Leeching Across America– The Hostel Blog. We want to spread our brand of crazy across the great US of A, using your home as our hostel, traveling to places we’ve visited before and those new to us, staying with friends old and new.

But mainly old because staying with strangers sounds super creepy and pretty much the way Dateline starts. Every time.

Now is your opportunity! Get in on the ground floor! Hurry, don’t delay. Limited spots available. Jump on this chance to participate in this once in a lifetime opportunity! We’ll throw in this knife that cuts open aluminum cans and then slices a tomato for FREE!

Here is our humble and rather bold (but who ever got anywhere being timid, right? I watch my kids ask strangers for candy all the time and it virtually always works out in their favor so I’m taking a page from their book) request. We want to stay with you for one or two nights (your choice, since it’s your home and we’re taking advantage of your hospitality as we descend like a plague of locusts on your family) at your convenience. Extra bedrooms, basement floors, backyard sheds all work just fine.

I just can’t do the aforementioned and pictured RV.

We don’t expect to be entertained but would love to use your bathroom to bathe our grimy kids between daily adventures. We will leave your home in ship shape and promise to bring a basket of goodies from our previous destination.

Or we can leave a kid. Your preference.

If you’d prefer handyman work, I’ve got just the guy. I can’t list everything he does but we’ve never had to hire a handyman. Suffice it to say, he can handle about any small, odd job in your home.

If you’re home during our visit, we’d love to visit with you a bit before our day’s adventures and will do our best not to annoy you. (We will fail and for that we are truly sorry.) If you are not home but wish for us to house sit, we promise to remember to water your plants and feed your animals. Even if we forget to feed our kids.

Listen, sometimes stuff just happens. Don’t judge.

If you have an unused vacation home on Lake Como, empty house in the burbs, cabin in the woods, old Rambler Wagon in the backyard or other object that could potentially sleep our crew, we would love to take advantage of the space. If the promise of a goodie basket or Matt’s handyman skills aren’t enticing enough, you will be front and center as I blog about our Summer of Forced Family Fun Disaster Summer of Statewide, Maybe Regional, Perhaps Nationwide Fun!

This will undoubtedly be made into a feature film titled Die Hard 7: Things Never to Ask of Your Friends.

If you’re in the contiguous United States (or Lake Como), we want to darken your doorway with our brand of crazy. We want to see the Badlands and the Rockies, the Maine Harbor and the Louisiana marshland, the shores of the Gulf of Mexico and the birdlike mosquitos in Minnesota. We are ecstatic to say my parents have been the first people to join in on this rare opportunity, allowing us to stay with them. However, they live two doors down so we’re confident more exciting locales await.

Hurry, don’t delay!

Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only ten we see. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right.

Are you in Massachusettes? Because we’re harboring feelings for you! Boom!

We are also looking for corporate sponsors. Please let me know if you or someone you know works for Shell Gas, Kroger, the company that makes those leash things for kids or the pharmaceutical company that manufactures Xanax.

Really just need the latter two. We’re happy to work out a deal for cash or product.

Ok, product. We need product.

We’re also happy to tattoo our van with your logo if you want us to advertise your start up company, cream, clothing item, essential oil, tutoring skills, knitting prowess or other services as we traverse the county, state, region or nation. I assure you we will not go unnoticed as we peel into gas stations, kids pouring out of the van like a clown car, pleading for sunglasses with airbrushed mountains on the lens, bags of cheesy dibbles, and begging to use the bathroom cologne machine as Matt and I scream “You have five minutes to do your business if we’re going to stay on schedule! You four can split a water bottle and one sucker. Nothing else. We ain’t the Rockefellers.”

On second thought, this may not be the image you’re wanting for your brand……

Regardless, as you make your plans for the summer, close your eyes and ask yourself these questions:

1. How much fun would it be to have six (aforementioned highly opinionated individuals) friends land in your home for a night or two?
2. Can you imagine how much you’ll appreciate the quiet of your home when we leave?

If you’re ready to appreciate the peace of your own home, be sure to act now and get us on your schedule for some summer fun! Once we depart, I promise you’ll be more relaxed than you ever dreamed possible. It’s just one of our gifts to you!

You’re welcome.

If the thought of us landing in your state, much less your home, leads you to sweat blood, we’d still love your suggestions for the Best-places-not-to-miss-when-traveling-with-six-highly-opinionated-individuals-during-the-only-summer-we-may-have-the-opportunity-to-drive-each-other-competely-mad Tour. (We’re working on T-shirts now!)

Bookings open immediately! You’ve been warned, America. Here we come!

If you’re wondering how anyone could be so bold as to invite their family into someone else’s home and expect anyone in their right mind to take her up on it, let’s not forget about the young woman who invited Justin Timberlake to attend a dance with her. JT accepted and showed up as her date! Point being, someone get this blog to Justin and Jessica. I’m confident they’re anxious to host us. I’ve got some sweet moves to show him for his next tour. In the meantime, please subscribe to TickingTimeMom via email or follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to follow all the fun leading up to the Timberlake reunion.