We couldn’t make Christmas cards happen this year.

Again.

Partly because we are lazy and partly because we’re so busy doing productive, life-changing activities that we didn’t have time to produce a card. Ok, it’s definitely the first reason. We are thankful for ‘the online’ so we can quickly update our friends and family with this year’s events. Here goes:

After being laid off late last year, I was resigned to take up my long lost dream of being a real housewife, complete with organizing and sustaining a clean home. A few hours later, I remembered I don’t like doing those things and began praying for God’s peace as I waited for the next step. I had been told my part-time position was gone but a full-time spot might be available. Despite my lack of domestic skills, I knew I was NOT ready to return to full time work. Thaddeus and I were having too much fun grocery shopping for cantaloupes each week (his MOST requested grocery item) and staring at each other over chipboard puzzles on dog haired covered floors. When the position reposted as a part-time spot, it came as a shock to my managers and to me. I was able to reinterview and retain my position. Huge blessing for me and the cantaloupe farmers.

We had roughly 800 snow days in January. We guzzled hot cocoa and watched movies on repeat. The first few days were a dream. Then day five hit. My insistence that I was NOT ready to return to work full time took a dramatic turn and I sent out roughly three million resumes begging someone to employee me. At least until the snow melted. Family time is a joy. More family time can be a joy. Unceasing family time can turn even the nicest parents into the crazy guy from The Shining.

Matt is still teaching and was more than happy to leave our snow day mayhem to return to his “other kids.” This is his eleventh year of teaching and what seems like his seventieth year of coaching. He loves doing both and there is nothing quite like the joy on our kids’ faces when they get to run onto the football field after a big win. Except maybe the joy on Mom’s face when the season ends. I kid, I kid. Matt added two Advanced Placement classes to his schedule this year. I commended his decision to take on added work and create new cirriculum for nothing more than intrinsic reward. Bless his benevolent little teacher’s heart. Until I realized he’d be away for a week long training. Smack dab in the middle of summer. Well done, husband. Duping everyone into thinking you’re making a selfless decision when in reality you get to escape the summer insanity for a solid week. Eating meals in peace. Sleeping without fear of “Could you tell me again how positive you are the rhinos can’t get out of the zoo and come to our house and kill us?” questions at 3 AM. Well done.

The kids are thriving in school. We are proud of their exemplary self discipline and studious steadfastness. These years are a joy. Read as “Some days we do well and other days mom is screaming at everyone as she shoves them out the door and the bus careens towards our stop. Eight hour pause before screaming resumes by both parents around 4 PM. The attitude regarding schoolwork vascilates between awesome and paper hell torture. We often don’t care if they complete high school- we just need them to get. out. of. our. house.”

I burned about 67 meals over the course of the year. A 14% improvement over 2017.

Reid is in fifth grade and loves torturing his siblings, all things football, trying to sneak his way into attending football practice with dad, basketball, reading, pushing his mom’s buttons and reading. In that order. He is a World War II buff and Fortnite obsessed. We balance his lofty requests for tech time with screaming and threats. It’s working well. A third of the time.

Reid remains the best asker of questions in our home. Many of which have resulted in some really enlightening conversations on reproduction, religion and relationships. Not necessarily in that order but often in some connection to one another. We, as parents, have become experts on handling tough questions and not breaking out in a cold sweat. We haven’t mastered killing our eye twitch but there’s always hope for 2019. Reid played soccer, football and basketball this year proving that while he may think like Mom, his athleticism is all Dad.

Elyse is in fourth grade and reminds us at least daily that we are not living up to the inspirational quotes her teacher gives her class each week. It has been an eye opening and humbling semester for her parents, to say the least. She loves to sing and doesn’t understand why we haven’t allowed her to audition for America’s Got Talent just yet. She has a sweet voice, loved drama camp and enjoys spending time with her friends. I look forward to watching her cry one day when, as a famous musician, she is on a televised interview weeping about her ‘traumatic childhood.’ We’ve created a therapy fund labeled “All the ways I’m messed up from my pleasant suburban upbringing and the fact my parents didn’t live up to my fourth grade inspirational quotes.” We’re accepting contributions via GoFundMe.

Elyse had the incredible opportunity to play an instrument when her music teacher applied for and received a grant, enabling their entire third grade class to receive a practice violin. She begged for ongoing lessons and we rented her own violin this fall! Her practice sessions are full of surprises and leave us wondering almost daily if our sweet cat Kilmer has risen from the dead, screeching and shrieking his way back from the grave. In all seriousness, she played several songs when we hosted Thanksgiving and it brought a tear to this momma who always dreamed of a fiddle-playing, Little House On The Prairie type holiday.

I did Whole 30 in September and pretty much hated that month of my life.

Louise is in first grade and is NOT our favorite child. At least that’s what we tell the other kids when they make that claim. She is kind, considerate, tender, thoughtful and compliant. She is not our favo…..Okay, I can’t even type that. She likely is our favorite. For now. Louise is excited to start gymnastics in January and take her skills climbing up our door frames to a new level. She has endured somewhere around 350 dental procedures this year as a result of extra teeth. And then extra extra teeth. Then a surprise extra tooth that even the specialist didn’t know about until the last minute. We are on a first name basis with the billing department at our local surgery center. She endured all procedures like the compliant, tender, thoughtful trooper she is. (We can’t ever let our other kids read this Christmas letter lest it be additional proof of favoritism.)

Thaddeus is everything we failed to parent in our older three kids. He is every judgement we had against other parents and every “I’d never let my kid do that” wrapped up in one fiesty, precious four year old package. He is sweet and sour and funny and tender and mean, mean, mean sometimes. If you’re judging me, you either don’t have a four year old or have forgotten what they can be like. If you need a refresher, just holler cause he’s available for short term rental. Thad is technically old enough to start kindergarten next fall but his mother can’t quite cut the cord. Glutton for punishment. As long as I’m able to hold my breath with this part time job, he’s gonna be home with me. Alphabet and numbers, be darned. He is a witty and tender bookend to our family.

Other 2018 highlights:

Reid battled eczema. That was fun. Ironically Thaddeus had similar looking bumps a few weeks after Reid’s diagnosis. We assumed eczema, as well, and it wasn’t until a day or two later that we realized we had full blown impetigo. While traveling. In a van. For 2400 miles. We’d like to congratulate (and truly offer a sincere apology to) everyone we encountered during the time our family was a traveling hot zone. So hot. There’s nothing like a highly contagious skin condition to make you reevaluate who your true friends are.

If you read last year’s Christmas letter you might remember we embarked on a bathroom reno in 2015. We are proud to announce we finished ahead of schedule, wrapping in December 2018 ahead of the anticipated 2020 timeline. Kudos to us on our impressive speed. I keep asking Matt how the guys on HGTV make it happen in 50 minutes and he needed three years. Ridiculous.

Matt’s freshmen football team went undefeated. This makes him a cool coach. He made considerable effort to be a bit more present with the fam during football season so that made him cool at home. The neighbors complained far less about our “marital discussions” this football season. Matt’s clothes never ended up on the lawn so we’re gonna take that as a W. I kid, I kid again.

We had a yard sale where I painstakingly cleaned, folded, sorted and priced around three million pieces of kids’ clothing.  I spent approximately three hours every day for three months preparing every item of excess in our home. I spent an entire weekend selling said items and netted around $12. It was undoubtedly a valuable use of time.

This year’s primary excitement came in the form of buying not one but two new furnaces. It’s fun to write a check that would cover 87 vacations and hand it over to someone installing a metal box in your attic. Gratifying. Granted, our warm toes are appreciating it more and more as we head through winter.

We were able to see dear friends in St. Augustine and enjoyed an extended family vacation in Sanibel Island, Florida. I’m always amazed at what the ocean can soothe. Even the loud chaos of our traveling circus.

I had an epic weekend in Bloomington while reconnecting with sorority sisters and staying in our sorority house. The reunion was amazing. Being back at Indiana University was amazing. Catching up with these amazing women and hearing about their adult lives was amazing. Sleeping on a three inch vinyl mattress….not so amazing.

My mom, a dear family friend and I went to Germany to see my sister in early December. We visited more Christmas markets than I can count from Stuttgart, Germany to Strasbourg, France. It was breathtakingly gorgeous. We ate our weight in chocolate, spatzel, schnitzel and gluhwein and I felt it was a proverbial ‘Take that!’ to my Whole 30 of September. I miss my sister more than before. Fortunately I can balance out my immense sadness with the insane envy I have about her current European living situation. So it’s all good on the emotional front.

If you made it through this whole letter, thank you. Sarcasm aside, as we wrap another year, we are grateful for our many blessings. The opportunity to raise our raucous crew in a country where freedom prevails. The gift to worship openly without fear of persecution. The warmth of friends and family near and far. Celebrating God made flesh and sent to save us. All of us. Even cranky moms of four who publicly claim they have a favorite kid.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year and many blessings in 2019.