Today I officially began my new part-time mom gig. We’ve been preparing all summer but our sporadic schedule kept me from really feeling the true impact of my career decision. However, this morning everyone was back in school AND I was off work.

Reality hit today.

I was faced with my first day of ‘momdom’ with just the little ones. I was ready. I was focused. Lists were checked. I had a plan. It went something like this:

• Delicious, homemade Blueberry Power Muffins for breakfast.
• Everyone works together in Cinderella forest animal creature unison to sing through the morning routine. No bantering or bickering, simply gentle humming while brushing teeth and hair.
• Children hold hands while walking to the bus with Mom gently escorting them.
• Mom returns home to clean the kitchen, sweep the entire main floor, make a healthy lunch and spend quality time with the two little children.
• More quality time with Dear Sis who is visiting from North Carolina. Spend time walking our two boys who will undoubtedly be best friends and room together in college.
• Make and freeze basil pesto in order to enjoy the abundance of our garden well into winter.
• Fold laundry and tidy bedrooms.
• Prepare a scrumptious, well-rounded dinner for my family.
• Execute the evening schedule efficiently. Calmly take each child to practice and be physically/emotionally present at Meet the Teacher Night.
• Baths and bedtime at 8:15PM.
• Prayers, calm words and closed eyes by 8:25 PM

I’m certain you will be shocked to hear the day didn’t go quite as planned. Surprising given my mad life skills, right?!

Right?

The day unfolded something like this:

• Does the clock REALLY say 7:34 AM???  Apparently my inability to peel eyes open at 6 AM resulted in a brief little snooze.
• Flailing, loud voice bellowing down the hall for children to rise up and get ready!
• Complaining about outfits and multiple ‘This outfit is ridiculous’ comments from one child in particular.
• Blueberry/oatmeal/yogurt muffins for breakfast that tasted something like you’d expect if you mixed concrete with drywall mud. Then added blueberries.
• Children disagree with Mom’s shoe choice and spend last remaining minutes searching for another pair. Only to return to Mom’s choice and narrowly make the bus.Speed step and less than Disney-like commentary on way to bus.
• Walk with Dear Sis which allowed two toddler boys to slap each other and fight over toys. College room situation may need to be reanalyzed.
• Forced to have own Mom feeds us lunch.
• Mom and Louise clip basil to make pesto. Accidentally butcher plants ensuring this pesto will be last basil product in the home. One batch completed but 5 billion remaining leaves left to dry overnight because of household garlic shortage, leaving second batch at a standstill. Leaves quickly wilting in the kitchen.
• Laundry folding started but attention diverted to noise coming from two year old who is magically sitting upon his changing table. Upon inspection, he has tipped a chair on its side, scaled the dresser and has bathed his head in Vaseline.

So. Slick.

• Bath time for toddler.
• Attempt to reorganize shoes in closet only to find toy snake. Regain consciousness sometime later in the afternoon.

I have fostered our youngest daughter’s love of reptiles. Until today.

• Floors remain covered in dog hair. Dishes multiplying by the second.
• Successful game of Memory by four year old confirms Mom is growing more senile by the second.
• Pancakes and eggs for dinner. Again. Blackberries thrown in batter in attempt to fool husband into thinking they are gourmet pancakes. Perhaps he won’t notice new Part-Time Mom hasn’t made a real meal. Or applied lipstick. Or worn a dress for first Part-Time Mom Day Dinner like June Cleaver. Attempt unsuccessful.
• Bath time for toddler again.
• Meet Teacher Night where Mom spends an hour convinced she has hampered her kids and their intellect with sheer amount of pancake dinners, dog hair covered floors and exposure to petroleum products in their hair.
• Get kids to practices. Sort, kinda, mostly on time.
• Bathe toddler AGAIN. Fail. He still looks like Billy Idol.
• Search internet for full time sales position.

We did end our day on a high note. A late evening FaceTime with our sweet friends (the Dooleys in Florida) soothed our frayed nerves. Indiana to Florida in 1.2 seconds!

I’ve decided to hold off on sending out any resumes for at least another week.

I figure it will take me at least that long to get the Vaseline out of Thad’s hair.

E
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